That’s the question that was running through my mind as I stumbled through how to care for my mother living with dementia and not losing myself to the life I had just begun living. It’s such an emotional ride. I often cry when I think about what could’ve and should’ve been or be. The what-ifs and the why’s. I assumed that my 40’s were probably the worst years of my life, which started with the loss of a job and ended with the end of a love relationship. Maybe all ten of those years were preparation for what was to come in my 50’s – taking responsibility and coming to terms with the inevitable. Life seemed bleak, and then I started to rely more on the work I had begun around mindfulness, awareness, the power of now by Eckhart Tolle, and so many others who had shared their stories of mastery in self-awareness and self-love.
I’m still on the journey — I’m long from arriving at a place of mastery in complete caregiver love for myself. I’m getting better at it, really, daily. It’s been a hell of a ride so far. I gather it will continue to be just as FULL in all of its wondrous glory.